Saturday, 16 August 2014

The Unknown Monuments

According to the heathen Ceadeus, demon of chaos, defiler of the inner sanctums "roleplaying is fucking gay".

So here goes.

Within Anoikis, the mysterious and deadly realms of space accessible only via wormhole connectionss, monolithic altars litter secret locales in the unknown depths of space.

The above is an image of the frozen corpse of a blood sacrifice victim given to Bob at the monolithic altar at the "Eye of Bob" in J235321 during YC114.

Rumour has it that strange sects, worshippers of Bob the Wormhole God, carry out blood sacrifice at the foot of these dark, secret altars.

It is the sacred duty of the Unknown Monument Archaeology Division [CDEUS] to study, document and preserve these enigmatic edifices for the sake of New Eden, and monitor them for frozen blood sacrifice activities.

If you see one of these dark monoliths, and you do not worship Bob, we request that you leave them alone, out of respect for those that do. Rumour has it that the blood cults of Bob fiercely protect these altars from desecration.

When these dark, evil cults of Bob the Wormhole God gather, they mutter dark incantations, the likes of which will curdle your blood. One of these chants is captured below, from the shipboard logs of an unlucky explorer whose wreck was found orbiting the dark altar at the heart of the sun in J235321.

Trinkets friend > Almighty Bob! 
We your humble disciples give unto you this sacrifice of a corpse in your name! 
May our weapons strike true! 
may our foes be afflicted with butt herpes! 
May Orcas doubletap themselves before us!
Long we may gank in Your Everlasting Glory!
Hail Bob! Hail Bob! Hail
<recording ends>


  1. The ticking TCU whispers the true name of a champion. Immortalized in the fires of a sun.

  2. Thanks for the alter to me at the sun. Need some clarification though, I don't hate role playing. I don't really care that there is a quasi-religion based on a deity imaginatively call Bob. What annoys me is when Bob is used as an excuse for not collecting good intel. It annoys me to sit in a hole camping literally no-one because they have rolled themselves out but no-one notices. It annoys me that when someone collects good intel and we get a kill, it gets credited to Bob. Bob didn't fuck up and not collect intel, and Bob didn't magically find something to kill... players did.

    Thanks again for erecting an alter to me.

  3. You're welcome! I also agree. People need to be precise in the intel they relate to everyone else, and the conclusions they create from that intel. Bad intel = bad decisions = derping three T3's into an ishtar and Domi like lemmingses. Just for example.


Anonymous shitposting is disabled. If you want to insult me anonymously about EVE on my blog, you can fuck off.