Saturday, 16 August 2014

DYOR Only Goes So Far

It is haard being a small 3 man corporation just starting out in wormhole space. Lets imagine a scenario like this;

You read on Gamespot or something about the battle of B-R5RB. You haven't heard of EVE, but suddenly you're engrossed in the involved, arcane, twisted irreality of the universe, where giant nations (literally) of gamer geeks wage interstellar war. A universe where being the biggest giant douche in a rack of flaccid vagina-washing apparatus is lauded; where YOLO and snark and griefing and scams are par for the course. The gaming man's game. Suddenly, GTA4 and Watchdogs look shallow; WoW looks like cartoons for kids, and World of Tanks is something you play in your spare time.

You delve deeper, because after all you are possibly a bit aspie or just OCD or a min-max D&D player who strives not for the perfection of a precisely crafted persona in a half-orc Bard, writing your own battle ballads and singing them falsetto at the table as you roll your D20, witth your family history noted down to three generations on your mother's side, as you quest to find out who your father was. No. You are the type of gamer who looks on a character sheet as an exercise in mathematical precision, a well-oiled machine of probabilities and likelihoods, a cat's cradle of skills, feats and attributes to make you the Half-Giant Barbarian wielding the twin two-handed +4 Defenders of doom. This is the guy who plays EVE.

Or maybe imagine a guy who just gets into it with a fat credit card. Either way, you realise you need to have some in-game character skills to perform well. You can trade real-life money for this, by buying a toon. You know where the money is - Incursions, Nullsec, Wormholes.

Here we can differentiate the aspie OCD min-maxer newbro into three subspecies.

On the one hand, you have the guys who stick to running Incursions. Generally slovenly recluses with zero self esteem and hearing problems, these people put up with literally the most soul-destroying ISK generating activity in the game, and are happy perpetuating the lamest  form of min-maxing available to people, all in the safety of highsec. I mean, lets be honest, if you can put up with DTF's FC's for more than 4 hours you have a mental problem.

Then we move to the nullsec farmers. You've bought a toon, you join a ratting corp (or at worst, a nullsec mining corp) and move out to BOT or NA or Goon renter space, thinking this is dangerous, thrilling and will get you involved in the big blue donut. The people who choose this lifestyle are naïve bumpkins with self-confidence issues, who prefer to test the waters before taking risks. They know that Nullsec is essentially safe, they read the how-to guides and did their research. But they didn't calculate the boredom factor, and end up doing the same crap for months on end, with the occasional frigghtened dash for POS or station when reds or neutrals come past. Harmless, but gormless.

The third type are the brazen, machismo-laden balls-out type, who think they know things by reading a guide. These people think they are "all that and a bag of chips" and move to wormholes, forming a corp with themselves and friends and/or alts. They buy a starter pack wormhole, say a C1 or C2. They jack up a POS, get down to living the life of an inveterate expert at the game. They are, after all, geniuses according to the IQ test they took on Facebook, and they got straight A's in schoool. Shit, son, we're living in the big leagues.

Problem is, they put 24 cruise missile batteries on their POS and then some douche in a Proteus starts shooting it, and he's not dying. So better cruise out the front in the Tengu. Oh whoops.

This is all just rampant speculation of course. I don't know for a fact this guy bought his toon, or has assburgers syndrome, but the fact remains 24 cruise missile batteries aren't worth shit. You can tank that shit in a buffer Proteus for 20 minutes.

DYOR only goes so far. Lesson learned.

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