Wednesday, 28 May 2014

The Lonely Ships

Do you ever need to move gigantic amounts of EMP S from Jita to Hek? Do you ever feel the need to haul an unfeasibly large stash of Cap 800's from Efa to Todifrauan all in the one ship? Then look no further than the Hoarder!

Today's latest offering is from some Minmatar NPC corporation, aka CCP Fozzie's dope-addled brain, which created a ship with a special cargo hold capable of carrying unfeasibly large amounts of a commodity that you can already carry unfeasibly large amounts of in any ship cargo hold!

Can you not fit 50,000 Scourge Rage heavy missiles inside of your Tengu's ammo bay? The ship is 1.5km long and yet has a volume the size of a small one-bedroom apartment (350m3) devoted to carrying missiles. It can fit 50,000 missiles inside this unfeasibly small cargo bay, which makes each missile 0.007m3, which is to whit, the size of a box of fucking tic tacs.

Or maybe you're a Naglfar pilot who is worried about XL EMP ammo consumption for your Quad 3500mm Gallium artillery. Fear not, for your 3.5 metre wide shells take up 1/8th of a cubic metre. Which is pretty cool because clearly they are only 8 milimetres long (because one shot fills 4 barrels). Think EMP XL gym mats.

So CCP Fozzie has created a hauling ship which can carry 50,000m3 (or whatever, it's irrelevant) of cargo, allowing you to carry an unfeasibly large amount of boxes of tic-tacs and gym mats.

Leaving aside the hilarious nonphysical dimensions of abstracted game mechanics in a completely fantastical space ships online game (though it is funny to consider), and taking this suspension of disbelief in its stride, do you actualy need to haul this much ammo from point A to point B?


The usage stats from Battleclinic are instructional. Only 22 Hoarders per month are being destroyed in killmails linked on Battleclinic, which may not be the full amount I grant you, but it's still the only graphically presented numbers I can get my hands on.

The verdict is in - you can already cram far too many tictacs and gym mats into the minuscule cargo holds of your spaceships. You can carry so many that you don't feasibly need to take extreme detours out of your way to buy ammo - hell, most ships I own die before I need to buy ammo. That includes PVE chariots, because of sentry drones.

I have previously accused the Hoarder of being the ugliest ship in EVE. Now it is clear it is also the most useless. I have 6 of them, from back in the day when it was just yet another slightly useless box in space with dimensions and capacity midway between a hauling frigate and an Iteron 5.

It is clear that the Hoarder has been balanced out of existence, not because it isn't unique, but because its source of uniqueness is in a role which no one needs filled. It's an ammo hauler looking for a dire shortage of cap 800's to fill, in a universe where even dreadnaughts can carry ammunition which is mindbogglingly thin.

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