Wednesday, 7 January 2015

The Smell of Burning Ass

Polletjepikhaar. He is a phenomenon by himself, a renowned feature of Jita +/- 5 jumps wormhole space - nearly always in a bomber, circling a B274 or a N110 cloaked, waiting for a hapless foe to stumple through.

Someone like Junkstress Warden, my new newbro, with his badger full of Crucifier hulls.

Ordinarily I wouldn't really bother with dear brother Polletjepikhaar, knowing he will just jump to highsec and GTFO any real fight. I have tangled with him once or twice with the Nereus, but he isn't silly enough to take the bait off hole - why do you need to get >5km off a hole in a bomber, after all?

I also desperately need him to fuck off from that particular wormhole as we are expecting a Tayra and a Gila to be coming back - the former because we saw it leave, the latter because we saw his pod leave after we murdered his last Gila and some Covetors

Knowing he will be within 5km of the B274 and therefore vulnerable to the Dick Virus, I decide to take some measures to remove him from the equation. It's just a matter of luck, and we'd already sacrificed 6 corpses to Bob today, so we were due a bit, and Bob delivered.

It's not every day you get to nerd it up but that's a killmail I am sure quite a few people will appreciate. Almost a faux celebrity vs faux celebrity deathmatch of wormhole nerds. 

Poor Junkstress, down 20M of cheap throwaway frigates. That's after losing one shooting a Tengu earlier in the day. But his sacrifice was not in vain, and another trip to jita saw him in a Crucifier again for our next victim, in his oddly and unneccessarily expensive Stratios.

So we thank you, brother Polletjepikhaar, for fighting the good fight and wish you luck in the future.


  1. It's not his ass that burned, it's his clump of dickhair that was scorched away.
    Props to junkstress for the attitude. That is not a miner who will quit by the end of the month/trial period.
    What can a smartbombing ship like yours kill before you run out of cap yourself and how long does it take?

  2. The theorycrafting behind the Dick Virus was that, when you consider relic runners, they inevitably either have:
    1,000 i-stabs
    1,000 nanofibers
    2,000 warp core stabs

    They leave grid before your decloak timer is up. Plus, bomber vs Astero is chancy, even with the vaunted "rocket bomber" meta; Asteros can drop ECM drones and can tank up to 189 DPS, which is rocket bomber territory. Your other option is a twin-scram Astero, but then you're in a 100M ISK frig and risk the 5s decloak. You get the noobs and lazy, it's really a crap shoot.

    The Dick don't even need to let your decloak animation run it's course. Just F1 to F6.

    You will instantly blap any relic frig. Bombers take two cycles of faction bombs (more precisely...about 8 faction bombs) and Asteros can take 8 faction bombs.

    W-R or Pulsar effects will require you to OH, or it'll sometimes take 2 or 2.5 cycles (hence the OH to drop the cycle time).

    Cap wise you can run 2 cycles off the normal capacitor. It comes with 2 x Medium Cap Booster II's with 3 x Navy 400's each, which will let you run another 3 cycles.

    This will definitely vape any frigate. But I wouldn't attack a combat frig unless it is AFK or sitting just off a wormhole. You are in a 1.6B ISK ship with 18K EHP, no prop mod. But you can cloak back up immediately, and you have the surprise factor. People just panic when they get alpha'd into deep structure from something that literally has barely appeared on their overview.

  3. You could try to bait the guy with something juicy, to make him swap his bomber for sleipnir or loki as he does sometimes, judging by his killboard. But nice kill nonetheless.

    1. The Sleipnir is the ultimate 'sit on highsec being a giant helicopter douche' machine. Twin XLASBs, capless guns, spawn within 8km of the hole, one burst of MWD and you're back on hole dealing 700+ DPS to 18km and tanking everything someone throws at you?

      Been there, got pretty fucking bored of that.

      There's ways and means, but not many of them are doable aainst someone with half a brain, let alone a full skull like Mr Spiky hair here.


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