Monday, 22 December 2014

On Cojones and Cowardice

We got schooled. Apparently.

But first, let me hand out some props to Fakadakalaka, who we tried to kill in his Proteus. He's living in J145610, a C4 W-R, and he has a classinc old-style Dickstar, just a bunch of ECMs and some scrams. An odd choice for a POS, but a key ingredient to the tale, for we saw him leave j145610 in a Proteus and go scanning down in his chain and we wanted a fight, so we set him up the trap and attacked his POS guns, to generate a mail and call him home into a bubble set off his POS, where we would hopefully murder him.

This worked, right up to the point where he warped to a safespot instead of direct to POS, and missed our bubble. But, obviously encumbered with gravid testicles of clanging steel, he convoes our Deimos pilot (the overly loquacious Leonnoran Haddrak) and declares he is up for a fight and will bring it to us forthwith.

He undocks an Aliastra Hyperion and brings the fisticuffs, monocle firmly wedged in his baleful right eye, swinging and jimmying everything in range with stabby motions - he clips our bomber alt and blaps it. The Deimos struggles to tank, but he has no real luck with the rail Proteus, and I tank his drones long enough in the Rapier. He's unlucky because we get half a dozen people randomly sign in and trickle in to the fight.

His shmexy-looking Hyperion goes down and he goes back to POS. Goodfights are exchanged, and we exchange some intel on each other's chains and bid him good day and leave him be; fight had, content generated.

Then today, we hear about a Broadsword, Harby and Coercer camping a friend's highsec which connects to Lanngisi. We get an exit 5 jumps from the other side of his small wormhole chain and in we go, Nereus first of course.

I attempt baiting. But it seems a DPS battlecruiser, a Broadsword and a Coercer don't buy the whole Planet Dollaz guise. They sit on the highsec, wedged there like a dildo in Elton John's arse, immovable and cowardly. I get a scout to set me a ping 40km above the Broadsword bubble and drop the nereus on grid. They continue to orbit their hole, even closer in fact - I see the Harby and Coercer close up on the hole, no doubt packing their pants with prepubescent foamy shit.

So I launch drones and sic them on the Coercer. He gets whipped, and sent packing back to hisec. We then play drone blapping games as I orbit the wormhole at 40km in a fucking hauler of all things, terrorising the Broadsword and Harbinger. The Broadsword hops out, and they've called the batphone - they jump in a Sentry Ishtar and a Tornado and try blapping me, but at 29km range they fail, and I warp off. Yeah - they were literally at zero metres and couldn't put a point on me even with an oerheated disruptor because they are giant suppurating cowards.

We blab in and they run the instant anything appears on d-scan. We exchange pleasantries in highsec. Megan DeMonet's claim to have outsmarted us is particularly amusing. Yeah, man, you outsmarted us by not killing a thing, not facing a single decent piece of DPS, and jumping through a wormhole the instant you got threatened.

So, my readership, you know who has a set of clangers and who has a sloppy vagina. If you're feeling festive Fakadakalaka is out of pocket, and Megan DeMonet still has a mouth on him and his ships.

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