Thursday, 17 September 2015

Fall of the Skull King

Remember how i ran you guys through a logic tree of entosis and citadels a few weeks back?

Yeah. Someone at CCP either read it and understood it, or came to the same conclusion from using their brains in a logical fashion.

Entosis links won't work on the new Citadels because;
  • It’s not fun being shot by massive structure weapons while being unable to retaliate in kind, it gives players the feeling to be helpless while they watch a timer go down
  • There is gameplay involved in applying damage that Entosis Links do not preserve, like range, speed, falloff or positioning
  • It devalues capital ships as a whole, especially Dreadnoughts, which were specifically introduced to assault and destroy static structures
  • Last but not least, there is a visceral connection in shooting a structure down to destroy it. Having guns blazing while watching the target hit points go down is a very strong visual and adrenaline factor that Entosis Links remove out of the equation.
Yeah, seems pretty similar a list of points to what i wrote.

Good on you CCP, for using your brains and ears and eyes and backing out of an untenable position. better to not have egg on your face here, than introduce it and have everyone table flip when their dreads die fruitlessly attacking Citadels.

Bt at it's core, it is clear that the Sov laser / Flashlight / Laser Tag / fucking useless waste of resources theory which has driven CCP's development time with Aegis sov over the last six, twelve months has been a collossal waste of time, effort, money, and they have been burning PR and goodwill like an Arab sheikh burns oil in his Bughatti Veyron to drive down the shops and buy a small mesoamerican dictatorship.

Honestly speaking here, I know this is a difficult game to balance, but it is absolutely and crystally clear now that there's a faction or tribe in CCP wedded to this theory that Aegis sov lasering is good and will provide better gameplay, and this tribe of untermensch devs has climbed atop the skull pile, jabbing their Entosis spears into the smoky night sky, howling like bonoboes on heat (hint: they're always fucking on heat), proclaiming DPS vs EHP is dead. Beneath the feet of the Skull King, the lesser and weaker devs cower in awe, thoughtless vessels madly coding his wishes, and no one questions the correctness or logic.

Then, like MacBethian revenge, the other Devs have skulked in the roots of the jungle trees, gaining feedback and mewling obsequious platitudes to the Skull King of Aegis, and carefully and coolly been trawling blogs, forums, gaining feedback. Their own still-functioning vestigial reptilian brainstems work overtime, in between trying to create a meaningless set of pretty skins for people's ships, and grunting in puzzlement they reveal - Eureka - this makes no fucking sense and no one wants it and it'll not do its intended job. It's fucked and the Skull King fucked it.

An unknown Untermensch Dev rises amongst the fallen throngs of his people. Emaciated, streaked in filth and dross, caked in the mud of having to rebalance Shield Power Relays and rename modules to nonsensical bullshit, an unnamed leader emerges. He is angry, for he can put two and two together and realises it is not the seven of which the Skull King proclaims it is merely four, and four isn't even divisible into seven, what the fuck is this idiot going on about?

Energised by this atavistic rage, and with the rats of the jungle quitting in droves threatening starvation of the race of Devs who would otherwise have to go work for WoW or move back in to their mother's basements, the untermensch devs stage a rebellion, rising from the tussock-grass of obscurity to defend proper game systemas and logically thought out game mechanics.

No more broken, illogical one-sided systems!
No more binary gameplay choices!
No more distant, un-involving timer play!
No space hobbit loot bullshit!

So they throw the spear of logical cause-and-effect and it strikes the Skull King right in the middle of the projected sales and income part of CCP's board meeting. The Skull God has noticed, and the Skull God is unhappy, for Hilmar cannot monetise his shares in CCP and afford a maserati if the Skull Pile has no rats. The gaze of the Skull God falls upon the land, baleful and distant, and his voice bellows forth like a clarion call:

"Uh, guise, can you like not totally fuck this shit up I want to spend some money making an EVE RTS, after I make an EVE FPS and an EVE flight sim to go with the Oculus Rift, and maybe some werewolf game? That'd be cool thanks."

The Skull King is wounded, clinging atop his pile of skulls, fighting against the realisation that a year's worth of work is coming crashing down as it always would. His God is angry and has nearly forsaken him, and the untermensch know it; they rebel and mutter amongst themselves even as they feast on the ever-dwindling resources of the rats.

The fantasy of the Skull King is broken, the untermensch know he is not the conduit to the Skull God and the bringer of rains. he is just a slightly tubby virgin with a vested interest in protecting his intellectually barren position of believing his pet theory is better, when it is provably worse.

The ratsof the jungle rejoice! But all is not well, the war of the Skull Pile is not finished. Cower, little rats, in your jungle abodes,

If this was a mine site (a familiar environment for me) you coild boil this kind of problem down into one of engineering. 


  1. Seems interesting that WH's are the only places that retain full loot. I'm not against it, it's just interesting that the rest of eve was more interested in making sure risk aversion was fulfilled. Not sure if the WH community just likes the wild west feel of wh space or are dicks.

    I would agree that flahslights online is pretty weak. WTB bad wearwolf game.

  2. you would have made a good csm rep.


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