Tuesday, 24 March 2015

The old Switcheroo

We have been dealing with a Wingspan infestation this week.

I believe they had found their way into our hole a few days before it all began with my first ever PI hauler loss - a 6.5M Mammoth. This loss, which was devastating and worthy of ALOD on themittani.com, earned me a trolling via their oh so hilarious Delivery Receipt. if you haven't got one of these yet it's because Wingspan are a bunch of hopeless pussies who can only kill mining barges 50% of the time, but it involves a not very funny faux receipt for delivering you some munitions.

I warned Gigi McQuaid that he ought to be careful trolling people for 6.5M hauler losses.

The camp set in properly the next day, when Analogtom Rotineque set up a stop bubble on our N766 static, with a depot which bravely, and incredibly inaccurately, was named YOUR HOLE IS MINE! ;). That and a couple of cans was supposed to decloak people who warped to the exit without checking d-scan. It is worth noting at this point that one small bubble was the sle interdiction they deployed during the whole camp.

I popped the bubble in my troll Rook, RFed the depot, and set about adding Analogtom Rotineque and his closest associates to watchlist. It took me a few hours, but I soon got the shape of what was in the Mullet Hole - 12 to 16 toons in bombers, 1-2 Stratios, and a Falcon.

Days one and two of the camp passed utterly uneventfully. They kept adding toons to the hole, we went about our business, killing people in our chain, visiting nullsec, murdering ratters, doing PI and ratting our chain as per normal. Not once did they deploy a Dictor or Hictor or a bubble to try catching us as we transited holes. I even brazenly undocked my rolling Blops and rolled holes, noting them logging in 4-8 toons in a rush when the shinies had been noticed. Not a single bite, or even a bomb tossed at me.

They began pinging our POCOs, so I transferred them to an alt corp to avoid notification spam for everyone in corp. This prompted them to reinforce a couple of POCOs while we were asleep. With a timer in front of us, I sent out a mail or two, rallied the corpies and some sly help from the Batphone, and we set out to fight back. You will note that fighting back mosly involved going about our day to day business with 12-16 toons in our hole, and not really getting many engagements.

Well, except for Solvenaria Azionchenkov who was hanging around a RFed depot owned by another Wingspan idiot. I had been camping the depot for 2 hours when he randomly decloaked, so I tossed a bomb at him and he went for me...dying horribly without landing a single blow. Imitating your CEO and his 300M bombers is de rigeur in Wingspan. Solvenaria suicide podded out then logged off, and he hasn't logged in since. i guess at 6 weeks old a 140M bomber represents half your assets and/or a fair chunk of your PLEX you spent, so fuck this game.

So we were hoping for a fight from Wingspan when we went to rep our POCOs. I embarked on a propaganda and psy-ops campaign of forum trolling, trolling Chance over his corp's patheticness, trolling the campers in Local when they logged in, but I kept my greatest and most perfect troll for the hour when our POCOs were due to come out.

You see, POCOs are kind of a bit weird. You can transfer POCOs instantaneously, to whomever you want, and the recipient cannot refuse it. You don't even need to trade them for money. You just give them to someone. So that's what I did with P9 POCO in the Mullet Hole - gave it to Wingspan, and we then immediately attacked and reinforced it.

One of Chances underlings tried a pithy attempt at giving us a Delivery Receipt for the POCO, in an attempt to not feel like a complete cock-target in the exchange. The alleged humour of a Delivery Receipt kind of falls flat when someone's reinforcing your POCO in their wormhole you are camping, and you don't have the ability to prevent it. It kind of reverses the camping and trolling 180 degrees instantly.

Reinforcing their POCO also put a timer on them - put the onus on them to defend their assets. They didn't bother, and instead displayed their true strength and the strength of a bomber doctrine in wormholes (hint: zero), so we created the ultimate troll mail for Wingspan's first and definitely not last POCO lossmail.

The best thing is that whenever Chance is online, it's replacement POCO, which we will be putting up at P9 in J1302553, will get pinged repeatedly. When he goes to live stream his 'hilarious' exploits 'delivering munitions' so he can perpetuate the cult of Wingspan and pretend to know what he's doing in EVE, you will see notifications for POCO attacks popping up.

The moral of this story?

If you are going to troll, you better not try trolling me over a meaningless hauler loss. If I fuck up and helicopter dick my Golem into a deathstar and get tackled, sure, that's worthy of a troll. You'll find my dick whirs at great RPM quite a lot. Does my cock even lift? Yes it does.

But don't make the mistake of thinking being the member of some corp of bomber-flying idiots led by a CSM who couldn't find his arse with an atlas means you get to reinforce my POCOs. If you're worse than us, can't interdict a fart with a cock, then you don't get to troll. You become trolled. 


  1. Well you're the one paying for it all though. You gave away a 120m poco, replaced it with another one and have to pay taxes until they get bored and transfer their poco's back to you or you shoot it again?

    1. 120M is chump change to have a button you can push to piss someone off.

      Like...we pull 400-800M a week in PVP loot, what are we supposed to do with it? replace people ships?

      My next plan is to create Annoyville, a C2 with R474/E545 static pair, where we have at least 6 planets. one for marmites, one for Deadly Fingertips, etc etc, and each time someone gets decced, they log on an alt in an omen and shoot the required POCO, spamming the deccing fart herders. Eventually the CEO's and directors of these corps will get sick of getting incessant pings.

  2. Ah I see, to transfer a poco you need a character in system. So they can't just transfer the poco to a holding corp, set taxes to 100% for everyone and be done with it.

  3. Trinkets Friend,

    Thank you for your feedback about our WiNGSPAN Delivery Services.
    However you might not take a delivery mail seriously, we do not mean to 'troll' you with it. No matter how bad you feel about it, a delivery is a delivery.

    It's good to hear you and your corp mates are more than happy than fight back to defend your POCO's. The thing is that you as a corporation have set a time for it to come out of reinforcement. We all know that timezones may differ, so that's why no one probably showed up (we have real life priorities too as you may expect).

    Wormhole space is always a gamble to live in, and I don't think you have the right to call us "pussies" and "trolls". It is your own decision to live in wormhole space, and I don't think it's a good thing to blame us for anything. Also trying to pull out rolling ships does not guarantee us "attacking" you. It's a good thing you wanted to lose a ship, but you can't blame us for not bringing in a d(h)ictor. If you really, really want to get rid of your ship self destruct is always a thing.

    Anyways; I'm glad you are happy about your POCO kill (and our loss) and hope you will enjoy it for a long time. Good luck in the future, and maybe a tip for the next time: stay polite.

    Yours sincerely,

    Cap'n Rick Clusterbomb

    WiNGSPAN Delivery Agent

  4. I like how a Mammoth loss spawns this whole tirade.

    You gave your POCO away and then blew it up. Vic...to...ry? Hurray \o/

  5. Good Afternoon!

    I'm Tali Lyrae and as one of the main FC's of Wingspan Delivery Services™ and a head Customer Service Representative™ I would like to personally take the time to address some points of concern for me about your complaint so as you can understand a little better the process of our delivery services.

    Firstly, I see that the delivery to your Mammoth on the day of 03/19/2015 at 00:52 Server time was successful, Congratulations on the successful reception of your munitions! Now I see here that your complaint was that he was, how do you put it, ahh "Trolling" you by sending you the Standard Wingspan Delivery Receipt™. The process that all of our delivery agents have to go through before becoming a Wingspan Associate is that they MUST have trained the Customer Service™ and Literary Comprehension™ skill to V and must demonstrate excellent customer service at all times. Looking back at our copy of the receipt I see that all i's are dotted and T's are crossed so I'm a little unsure as to why you're unhappy with your copy of the receipt, if you happen to have spilled coffee on it or maybe it had gotten eaten by the dog, we would be happy to replace it for a nominal fee.

    Secondly, I would like to address the issue of your UN-delivered torpedoes to your so called "Blops Rolling Vehicle" (™ Maybe?) and you can guarantee that I will be combing through the logs of our past deliveries to see which drivers were active in your area at the time. Once I find the associates responsible for failing to delivery to your fine craft, they will be harshly reprimanded by receiving both a stern talking to, and the confiscation of their treasured Burned Jet Fuel Scented Air Fresheners™ (All Rights Reserved) until they can demonstrate that they are worthy of it back.

    Lastly, here at Wingspan Delivery Services™ I am the head of annual Wingspan Planetary Orbital Customs Office and Player Owned Station Drive™ (Name might need some work) where we receive donations and gifts of POCO's and POS's on a daily basis so as we can resell them and give that money directly over to organizations that save orphaned bombers in Stain and other third world regions. I was overseeing the operation when a notification came in that not only did your corporation donate a POCO but our of the kindness of your hearts you donated the POCO that was stationed at your very own wormhole! Such generosity from people and corporations like you yourself are the reason I get up and go to work every morning. Thank you so much again for your donation, it definitely won't go to waste!

    Thank you very much for your feedback on these issues and if you happen to have any further issues with our services please do not hesitate to contact me at any time by personal mail! We hope that you choose Wingspan Delivery Services for all future deliveries and that you have a great day!

    Tali Lyrae
    Head Customer Service Representative and Head of the Wingspan Planetary Orbital Customs Office and Player Owned Station Drive™ (Man that needs work)
    "Man that's guys a delivery machine" Chance Ravine

  6. https://zkillboard.com/kill/45450906/

  7. It seems like the goal of 'content creation' was met on both ends.


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