Saturday, 8 December 2012

Epic Smack Battles of EVE

Smacktalk is always a good way to pass the time in EVE. I enjoy a bit of banter now and then. I will even put up with people commenting anonymously on this blog if they are butthurt, as I can handle people getting pissed off by what I say - friend or foe.

However, I must say, I witnessed a truly epic smack battle of epic proportions early in the week between Cynthia Nezmor and LordTitan, in Aset. LordTitan and Cynthia were both docked, Cynthia because we were obviously "blobbing" hard and he couldn't figure out an angle or gather the numbers or Falcon alts to make a go at us, and LordTitan for an unknown reason - maybe camped in, watever. Either way, something must have happened before I came to Aset to run buttons and hope we could have a fight that wasn't Cynthia and alts and Dan Carter Murray, alts, retards and various mouthbreathers blobbing us. It happens, if you don't like that description of it guys, suck my arse.

Anyway, these two went at it for at least 1.5 hours. It was unbelievable. They went on in the vein of how useless either of them were, and their endurance was titanic, their e-peen injuries shocking, but neither yielded. I wish I could copy-paste it, but I am up at Camp Pew Pew for a week doing my IRL job, and on my ee-PC.

What amazes me is Cynthia aka Caerise or whoever owns that account, gets so worked up. He or they have even come on here carrying on and shitting the place up with anonymous posts, which says to me that I must be getting to them, or they take this game way, way too personally.

This brings me to the crux of their arguments, and basically all that Cynthia's smactalk ever seems to consist of, which is looking at killboard histories. His favourite line? "I have more kills than your entire corp." said to basically everyone. The guy is obviously taking a lend, or is literally retarded. He loses on facts no matter which way you cut the cake.

To be honest, as long as you enjoy what you do, you are winning. If you want to measure your killboard history or stats with people, you have to understand what they do, how they get their kills, etcetera, before you pronounce people a PVP God or a retarded scrub.

To be honest, I don't value station camping. It is a skill, for sure, but especially camping Hek undock in faction warfare isn't very challenging. It is just a rote method, a sensor-boosted Hurricane, and exploiting some truly retarded game mechanics relating to the fact you are at war with Minmatar, can't dock in lowsec FW systems, but they are totally fine with you docking in hisec. Yep. Makes sense to me.

Be as that may, you get whatever kill:death ratio, ISK efficiency you can get doing it. Mostly you end up blatting and ganking shit. I personally can't do it, as I suck at it, but I also don't value that style of PVP very much.

Or you look at wormhole players. Some of the best small-gang PVPers I know are in wormholes - and with reference to the previous post they are well on top of the metagame so they are ahead ofthe curve on many things like, eg, T1 logi. But some of the elite are also behind the game here - but you hardly need to worry about much because you will hardly see blobs of people roaming C5's. It's just not that style of PVP.

Some of the best soloers I know are in Faction Warfare, or in lowsec (Heretics, Tuskers, for example). I am shit at frig work solo - and too busy to derp about in RvB to better myself. But either way, I respect the Heretics and Tuskers, because they never smacktalk, never make an issue of it, always gf in Local. Some even exchange emails and are thoughtful, well-rounded guys.

Contrary to previous post where you may think I don't respect RTSAvalanche, I do. He is very, very good at what he does. Again, I'm not usually one to invest in Loki and legion boosts, and I am too precious about my pretty ships, so I don't pimp the shit out of them. But I respect someone who puts it all on the line, and exploits the game for all he can. The fact he gets so butthurt? Well, sorry mate. But like I said, we'll blob you for the pricey kills. You will usually make better tactical decisions and get out.

So it is a big shame that I actually respect Cynthia, Dan Carter Murray, etc etc, whatever and whoever all their alts are. They may be atrocious PVPers - if you can combat probe some dude's Phantasm and hero tackle it with a Cheetah, then you suck. No two ways out of it. But they nevertheless are cunning, dangerous opponents, and you have to respect them.

Faction warfare is an odd place, because you see the same people and can get killed or kill then 2, 3 or more times in an hour. You get to know people. Which means there will be people you enjoy smactalking with, and people you don't. There will be people who you respect, and can have intelligent conversations with. And then there will be Dan Carter Murray, Cynthia and friends, who think the only way to interact is being childish douches with e-peen problems. 

Does it mean that their smacktalk is ever entertaining? Not yet. It hasn't been witty, funny, grotesquely obscene and hence hilarious, nor thoughtful. Repeating how awesome you are at PVP to someone who spends literally 2/3rd of their time not playing EVE due to working a real job? That's not getting you respect. But carrying on for >1.5 hours like a broken record? That is endurance I can at least raise an eyebrow at, and ready my Cheetah of Doom to catch him fapping at a safespot next time.


  1. Unlike you, eve-kill does not lie. I have more kills per month than NoobTitans corp, everyone can look it up. I have more kills per month than anyone in Swift Idiots or Sudden Blobbery. I take 1 against 25 fights. I was never in EVE Uni. I was never in RvB. I never needed anyone to teach me how to play a game, unlike you. I fight outnumbered, yet I kill more in a week than you in a month. You do not have a single good solo kill. You use OGB, I never had one. Gallente and Minmatar militia can camp Jita, I cannot camp Rens. There are 100+ good pvpers in Hek, sometimes even bringing 13 Legion boosted ships, with Falcons just to fight me. I can not cloak in Hek, or use an MWD or an AB with 90% navy webs on me.
    All you do in this game is recruiting more people, and kill Gilas with 20+.

    Eve kill clearly states that you DO NOT EVER TAKE A FIGHT, JUST BLOB.

    You have no right to write a single word about this game.

    - Cynthia Nezmor (no, DCM is not my alt)

    1. Confirming that;
      - I did RvB. As said so in my employment history.
      - I got a Doctorate in Blobbing from EVE Uni.
      - I use OGB alts habitually. Especially for my Cheetah.
      - I spend 22 of my 23.5 hours logged in to game, just like you.
      - I can always dock up within a minute under neutral RR, just like you did for ever at Hek undock.

      Seriously, you know as little about me as you do about PVP. You haven't even bothered to look at anything beyond your nose with respect to where I have been or what I have done. You show me someone who gets 250 kills a month living in a wormhole.

      I am not the one claiming to be a great PVPer. You are. It is hilarious how worked up you are over this all. Also, very satisfying, Dan. I mean Caerise. I mean Angelina Solette. Which is your Falcon alt, by the by, which helps you dock up against 13:1 odds.

      Truly, you are a horrible PVPer.

  2. "Some of the best soloers I know are in Faction Warfare, or in lowsec (Heretics, Tuskers, for example)."

    I had 1 fight against a loltusker. My Wolf against his Jaguar. He was a "solo pvper" as all loltuskers until he began to lose, then his friend came in a Harpy to kill me.

    Any more lies need to be refuted?

    - Cynthia Nezmor

    p. s. heretic noobs soloing lol

  3. ROFL, this isn't the worst post I've ever read.

    Yes I admit I blob with 2 corp mates to fight 12 of the boosted Ushra'Khan members in Isbrabata.


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