Sunday, 3 February 2013


I admit, I got it all wrong.

Here I was, thinking I could blog, write down my opinions and thoughts, to provoke discussion and provoke some thought amongst EVE players in and out of FW and wormholes. Sadly, I misconstrued the nature of writing blogs!

You see, blogs in EVE are about vaginas and sand. Everyone in EVE has a vagina (it comes with your first noobship). You collect grains of sand, one per ISK you earn in-game. After a while, your EVE vagina fills up with the sand, and you have sandy vajayjay. This then makes you into an insufferable cunt, and you then spend your time shifting ceaselessly on your milk crate in your mother's basement, your clitoris rubbed raw from the scratchy angular grains of sand you've accumulated, and you find anything which isn't along the lines of "zomg u r da bestest spacepilot PVPer of ausum!"an insufferable insult.

Thus, I must apologise. Here, in public. On my public vagina of extreme sandiness.

You see, I didn't realise how skilful and awesome, and how much of a bunch of totally super-awesome sexy hunks with bulbous elephantine phalluses my fellow Militia were. Or, indeed, if they are female, how elephantine their labia must be - as this is an equal opportunity blog!

How had I mistaken them for prideful dickheads with no social skills and immense hubris? Was it my own mental defects, hidden behind a facade of civility and phillosophy? Was it perhaps the things that they say and do, which could easily be misconstrued?

I must have got it wrong when LNA said they didn't want to go 2 jumps away from the Kamela gate, that they admitted they were lazy, said it to me directly. You see, that must have been my poor English skills. What they really meant was something else. Something, perhaps, like "we solo titans on a daily basis in our velators or whatever"or "too drunk to click jjump"- which is fair enough.

No. I got it wrong. I admit it now. I had not realised how full of sand the vazhin of Militia was, how scrubbed raw and bereft of natural mucosal discharge their vulvas were, that what one dude says on one blog is somehow traitorous and intolerable.

So, to all I have offended, I offer you this, my apology.

Get the fuck over yourselves, you children.

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