The old Switcheroo

We have been dealing with a Wingspan infestation this week.

I believe they had found their way into our hole a few days before it all began with my first ever PI hauler loss - a 6.5M Mammoth. This loss, which was devastating and worthy of ALOD on themittani.com, earned me a trolling via their oh so hilarious Delivery Receipt. if you haven't got one of these yet it's because Wingspan are a bunch of hopeless pussies who can only kill mining barges 50% of the time, but it involves a not very funny faux receipt for delivering you some munitions.

I warned Gigi McQuaid that he ought to be careful trolling people for 6.5M hauler losses.

The camp set in properly the next day, when Analogtom Rotineque set up a stop bubble on our N766 static, with a depot which bravely, and incredibly inaccurately, was named YOUR HOLE IS MINE! ;). That and a couple of cans was supposed to decloak people who warped to the exit without checking d-scan. It is worth noting at this point that one small bubble was the sle interdiction they deployed during the whole camp.

I popped the bubble in my troll Rook, RFed the depot, and set about adding Analogtom Rotineque and his closest associates to watchlist. It took me a few hours, but I soon got the shape of what was in the Mullet Hole - 12 to 16 toons in bombers, 1-2 Stratios, and a Falcon.

Days one and two of the camp passed utterly uneventfully. They kept adding toons to the hole, we went about our business, killing people in our chain, visiting nullsec, murdering ratters, doing PI and ratting our chain as per normal. Not once did they deploy a Dictor or Hictor or a bubble to try catching us as we transited holes. I even brazenly undocked my rolling Blops and rolled holes, noting them logging in 4-8 toons in a rush when the shinies had been noticed. Not a single bite, or even a bomb tossed at me.

They began pinging our POCOs, so I transferred them to an alt corp to avoid notification spam for everyone in corp. This prompted them to reinforce a couple of POCOs while we were asleep. With a timer in front of us, I sent out a mail or two, rallied the corpies and some sly help from the Batphone, and we set out to fight back. You will note that fighting back mosly involved going about our day to day business with 12-16 toons in our hole, and not really getting many engagements.

Well, except for Solvenaria Azionchenkov who was hanging around a RFed depot owned by another Wingspan idiot. I had been camping the depot for 2 hours when he randomly decloaked, so I tossed a bomb at him and he went for me...dying horribly without landing a single blow. Imitating your CEO and his 300M bombers is de rigeur in Wingspan. Solvenaria suicide podded out then logged off, and he hasn't logged in since. i guess at 6 weeks old a 140M bomber represents half your assets and/or a fair chunk of your PLEX you spent, so fuck this game.

So we were hoping for a fight from Wingspan when we went to rep our POCOs. I embarked on a propaganda and psy-ops campaign of forum trolling, trolling Chance over his corp's patheticness, trolling the campers in Local when they logged in, but I kept my greatest and most perfect troll for the hour when our POCOs were due to come out.

You see, POCOs are kind of a bit weird. You can transfer POCOs instantaneously, to whomever you want, and the recipient cannot refuse it. You don't even need to trade them for money. You just give them to someone. So that's what I did with P9 POCO in the Mullet Hole - gave it to Wingspan, and we then immediately attacked and reinforced it.

One of Chances underlings tried a pithy attempt at giving us a Delivery Receipt for the POCO, in an attempt to not feel like a complete cock-target in the exchange. The alleged humour of a Delivery Receipt kind of falls flat when someone's reinforcing your POCO in their wormhole you are camping, and you don't have the ability to prevent it. It kind of reverses the camping and trolling 180 degrees instantly.

Reinforcing their POCO also put a timer on them - put the onus on them to defend their assets. They didn't bother, and instead displayed their true strength and the strength of a bomber doctrine in wormholes (hint: zero), so we created the ultimate troll mail for Wingspan's first and definitely not last POCO lossmail.

The best thing is that whenever Chance is online, it's replacement POCO, which we will be putting up at P9 in J1302553, will get pinged repeatedly. When he goes to live stream his 'hilarious' exploits 'delivering munitions' so he can perpetuate the cult of Wingspan and pretend to know what he's doing in EVE, you will see notifications for POCO attacks popping up.

The moral of this story?

If you are going to troll, you better not try trolling me over a meaningless hauler loss. If I fuck up and helicopter dick my Golem into a deathstar and get tackled, sure, that's worthy of a troll. You'll find my dick whirs at great RPM quite a lot. Does my cock even lift? Yes it does.

But don't make the mistake of thinking being the member of some corp of bomber-flying idiots led by a CSM who couldn't find his arse with an atlas means you get to reinforce my POCOs. If you're worse than us, can't interdict a fart with a cock, then you don't get to troll. You become trolled.