Admiral Ahab Scientific Method Espauldron

Sudden Buggery, and I, take our medals very seriously.

For instance, anyone who get trapped in nullsec and manages to hump it home in a ship without probes, gate to gate, gets the Medallion du Creek Le Merde, forever commemorating their bravery "For expeditious retreat from deep oh-point-oh and deep doo-doo. The golden wings of the eagle represent the streak of luck the recipient had in avoiding Mr Bubbles."

Every person on an orca kill gets the Nishin Maru Employee of the Month award. it can be very expensive for the corporation, at 5M ISK a pop, to kill an orca. Sometimes 75M in medals. But it's worth it because everyone enjoys the prestige not only from the delicious killmail but from the bling on their e-chest.

If you die because your child comes into your room and takes control of your computer and undocks you in lowsec, resulting in you being killed and podded, you get the Flight Commander Wiggles Merit Badge so that all may know your kids are secretly out to kill you.

Likewise, if you are too busy gloating about a killmail to realise you are a suspect and hence get bumped off station and murdered, you get the ignominous Dead Gloat Roundell.

other fuckups may earn you the Dresden Tubgirl Medallion, if you kill yourself with your own bomb, or the Doctor Botter's Patented AFK Deathwish if you die while autopiloting through lowsec.

Of course, some are for extreme gallantry, such as sacrificing your ship to save the life of your brazenly balls-out CEO as he does something amazingly stupid. Your loss of a ship, in saving the life of the CEO, earns you the Pedobear Distraction Star.

Today, finally, I got to award the previously un-awardable Admiral Ahab Scientific Method Espauldron, the most prized of all medals in Sudden Buggery. This is for killing the most rare of beasts, which is the Rorqual.

Today, I awarded this to Miskoranda. Like any tale in EVE, there's always a bit of a lead-in of unfortunate or unlikely events which results in unlikely kills.

It began late last night. I was alone, just me and my two toons, with shitty statics, full of Mind Collapse and various other people I didn't particularly want to tangle with solo. So I set about rolling the statics and K162's in the Mullet Hole using patented faggy rolling legions. Cloaky, nullified 100MN higgsed T3's is the neckbeard's choice in rolling stock. So I rolled Miskoranda out into a C4 because I fucked up and the mass of the hole was a bit skwerly. It had a H900 and X877 static, so i probed my way into the X877 and it, too, had X-H connections. It was 11:25 p.m. so I said fuck this for a joke and went to bed.

Logged on this morning and in the C4 I was stuck in there's 2 Tengus, Rattlesnake and Vargur bearing it up. I had the H900, so figured, fuck it I have to tryto get these boys, and jumped the C5. Probed it out, got a D792 to hisec 2 jumps from Amarr, and rang the batphone (being as the statics from the Mullet Hole were shit, the rest of Prolapse was shit out of luck). Maythorn picked up, and burned 7 jumps with a fairly kitchen sink fleet. We tried for the Vargur, et al., and failed, so I said "ets try nullsec."

It exited in 97-M96 in Branch. The sole ishtar in system basically insta-POSed, so we went nextdoor and shotgunned the Hubs. Being in cruisers, we missed a Gila by a bee's dick. I started beating up a tractor unit and then Humang said "uh...a Rorqual landed at station. I think it's off station."

"Yeah, it'll be in dock range."

"Uh...no. i think you should get over here."

So I did, and handily whored the killmail.

I've been trying for a Rorq kill for years. Literally it has become my great white whale. I've been 2500m away from pointing a Roqual at one stage, but until now, never got to even shot anything at one.

Admiral Ahab Scientific Method Espauldron unlocked.