He who casts the first stone

Tonight there was a rather amusing experience had by me.

I found my way down the chain out the X877 into a C3 wormhole with one sole Relic site and an Imicus within it, doing hacking. I could tell it was Zehbox doing the hacking because his Imicus had his name all over it. He was having a torrid time of it, with Core Scanner Probe I's out for a Pharaoh's age. It took me 5 minutes to pin the relic site down and set a 200km perch off it for the Dick Virus to lurk. I had recently upgraded her to faction smartbombs at the cost of 800M ISK, so I wanted to do this right.

Zehbox however, has a lot of practise yet to be had at probing. Eventually I decided to drop combats and ninja scan him as I knew he was within 1,000km of the K162 from highsec from whence he came. I got him first time, and warped at zero. Blap.

I then went back to the entry from the C4 and saw a Sarum Magnate on scan. I cloaked up and slipped back to the perch at the Relic site. Sisters Core Probes came out. Then a Probe came on scan, named for a Nature Valley Skord, from BRAVE.

[ 2014.12.10 07:27:25 ] Nature Valley Skord > 7o

The Probe pilot sees the Sisters Cores out, and the Core probe I's, and says hello in Local. Genius face in the Sarum Magnate sees him on scan too, and sees the Core Probe I's out and about. He pipes up in local, which i quote below.


[ 2014.12.10 07:29:22 ] Dosntpvp Amilupar > o7
[ 2014.12.10 07:29:30 ] Dosntpvp Amilupar > Hows it going?
[ 2014.12.10 07:36:57 ] Dosntpvp Amilupar > So why arnt you using sisters yet?

Hang on a minute. This is a guy who is a month old, riffing on a guy who is two weeks old, about using bare bones basic probes. I can barely maintain Local silence at the arrogance of this mewling shitheel dissing a guy for not using faction probes. This is what's fucking wrong with the game culture if noobs are dissing noobs on not using enough pimp.

[ 2014.12.10 07:37:59 ] Dosntpvp Amilupar > Had to refit one too many times or just bad skill planning?
[ 2014.12.10 07:38:25 ] Dosntpvp Amilupar > Either way its not impressive for two months.

What the actual fuck am I reading? Here i am, 6 years in the game, watching a shitstain smacktalk another noob over probe choice - and getting it wrong because you don't need any skill to load Sisters Probes, just money. This is, I declare, utter bullshit. There will be a reckoning.

Of course, Mr Elite Genius here hasn't noticed the Imicus wreck on scan and questioned it. Nor why there's 16 Sisters Probes and 8 Core I's, nor why there's only been 2 sets of Sisters Probes when he was the one to launch the second. He also misses nature Valley Skord's Probe blipping on d-scan for 20 seconds as he warps to the D845 and scoots off to highsec. I bide my time, declaring my burning need to collect this douche turd's corpse.

He duly obliges, warping to the relic site at zero and MWDing toward the nearest can just as the Dick Virus slides creepily into position, silent and sleek like a giant Dencorub coated barb-wired dildo and blaps him back to highsec instantly.

Guess what the irony is? That's right. Dosntpvp Amilapur was loading Core Probe I's when he died like a fucking scrub doing scrubby scrub shit in a Relic site.

Zehbox's probes dissipated 20 minutes later, leaving nary a trace of anything awry for the next explorer to be afraid of. Dosntpvp Amilupar's frozen corpse adorned the Altar of Bob until downtime 2 hours later. He also got a pointed evemail from me pointing out his failures.

Remember guys - no warp core stabs, nor nanofibres, nor i-stabs will save you when the Dick Virus comes to collect your pod goo and, hopefully, teach you some humiliation. Or should that be humility?