Yesterday was a very low day. I don't think I could have got much lower.
Today, i went to get some happy pills from the doctor. We will see how this goes. last time I had depression and took pills for it, I ended up with a weird Tourette's like head rolling, nervous tic. I don't think anyone noticed me swearing more; I'm already charming as it is.
So. Not a very EVE-relevant post today, but I am basically headfucked. Logically, I know its not that bad. But nevertheless, I can almost feel my mind in 2 or 3 pieces, with the rational part floating above, watching incredible anger erupting over inconsequential setbacks, or soul-crushing despair that lays me out for a whole day, unable to do more than weep and breathe.
The power of the mind to rule the body is something that is awesome and
terrible to behold, when it is your own body and your own brain on the
fritz, or punching walls till you nearly shatter your hand, or throw 50
kilo things about like scraps of paper. Or, to cut your strings like a
puppet and leave you gasping for air and drained of energy.
So, logically, I think this is a brain chemistry thing, a feedback loop of some kind, which drags me down again and again. So, we will see how this goes as a circuit breaker.
Till then, I will restrict my EVE to training armour honeycombing, EWAR comp skills, forum trolling and repairing 6 months of being a bad boy in lowsec via doing level 4's for Krusual Tribe, which has the most awesome LP store evars. And maybe joining Brave Newbies as a mentor; but more on that later.
Wish me luck. TF.
Hi. You are a very smart person. Us smart people hate taking anti depressants because it makes us feel like we need a crutch to do something that regular people take for granted.
ReplyDeleteThe meds enable you to turn down your brain. I was able to sleep better, and although it didn't stop my sadness, it helped me cope with it. It enabled me to deal with the problems I have without my apathy and demotivational thoughts getting in the way. I was on citalopram but I started on fluoxetine. Both are good but both ha e their issues. Use the meds to jump start your own wellbeing and build back your happiness. Good luck.